chapter 8
As I heard him mention the scholarship incident, my mind drifted back to two years ago.
I was four years older than Felix. The year he took his college entrance exam was my senior year in college.
Knowing I couldn’t rely on my parents, I had studied relentlessly since I was a child, determined to build a life for myself and escape this home. In college, I graduated at the top of my class four years in a row, landing me a postgraduate program with a world-renowned college.
Meanwhile, Felix, who never took his studies seriously, failed the college entrance exam and returned home saying he wanted to study abroad.
Despite knowing he would waste the opportunity, my parents still supported him.
That night, Mom prepared a lavish dinner just for me. Throughout the meal, she made sure my plate was never empty.
“Sean, we only have enough money to send one of you abroad. Your brother just finished high school. Why don’t you let him go?”
I set my fork down. “Mom, it’ll be a waste if you send Felix abroad. I’ve been accepted into a top college in the world!”
It was the first time I had ever dared to defy Mom. I had always tolerated everything silently.
Seeing me suddenly not give in to Felix, she slammed her plate on the table. “Sean Goodman, your father and I raised you up after all these years. Now that you’re about to graduate college, shouldn’t you be thinking about how to earn money to repay us now?
“Are you really okay letting your brother, fresh out of high school, miss out on the chance to further his studies? How could you be so heartless?”
The more she spoke, the more emotional she became. “Are you trying to drive your father and me into the grave?”
Maybe because I still longed for the tiniest sliver of Mom’s love, I relented in the end, saying, “Don’t be angry, Mom. I’ll let Felix have the opportunity.”
But now, I regretted that decision.
If I hadn’t given up that chance, I might’ve gotten a good job overseas instead, and I wouldn’t have died so miserably.
A few days later, perhaps out of guilt, Mom held a somewhat decent funeral for me.
Apart from some relatives and friends, some doctors from Mom’s hospital attended, too.
The nurse who once tried to help me was also there. She walked up to my grave with a bouquet of flowers and said, “I’m sorry. If I’d been a little braver back then, maybe you’d still be here.”
Among all these people, she was the only one who had ever helped me. Yet, she was also the only one who apologized.
In contrast, Mom showed no remorse at all. Instead of apologizing, she criticized me, as if doing so could wash away her guilt. “Sean was a difficult child from the start. He couldn’t let go of the past and always tried to hurt his brother. This time, he finally paid the price for it.”
Everyone present knew how biased she was toward Felix. They were also well aware of the injustices I had endured all these years. But no one wanted to cause trouble, so they pretended to comfort her.