chapter 12
Mom endured spiritual torment in prison.
She would sometimes cry, sometimes laugh, and sometimes run around in a frenzy. Sometimes, she’d hit others, and at her worst, she’d hit herself.
It took two guards to hold her down. Eventually, the authorities had no choice but to bring in a psychiatrist. She was diagnosed with trauma-induced mania and sent to a psychiatric hospital.
Still, her condition only worsened.
She would tell people, “My son is Sean Goodman. He got into a postgraduate program at a world-renowned university and is now studying overseas. When he comes back, I’ll bring him to visit you. He’s tall, handsome, and has always been such a good kid.”
Occasionally, she would regain clarity for a brief moment. In those moments, she’d sit quietly on the bed and stare out the window.
Maybe it was the bond between mother and child, but I could sense her teetering on the edge of pain and torment. All the lost time had turned into an endless burden of guilt.
Before disappearing, I returned to see her one last time.
She was sitting quietly by the window as usual, but this time, she seemed to see me.
She reached out and cupped my face, tears of joy filling her eyes. “Sean, you’re back. You came to see me. I’m so sorry. Please forgive me, okay?”
She then took out two pieces of candy from under her pillow. “I remembered you love candy and saved some just for you.”
As a child, I did love candy. But she always gave it to Felix, never to me. The spoiled rotten Felix would gloat when she wasn’t around, then pop the candy in his mouth.
Since then, I had never touched candy again.
I took a step back and shook my head.
Mom rubbed her hands together, flustered. “Oh, you’re all grown up now. But I still treat you like a little boy.”
I stared at her in a daze for a long time before saying, “Mom.”
“Yes?” she responded instantly before I could even speak.
I continued, “Mom, I don’t blame you. But I don’t think I’ll ever be able to forgive you.”
She lowered her head, gripping the hem of her shirt tightly. “That’s okay. I owe you. It’s only right that you can’t forgive me.”
Afraid I might lose control of my emotions, I turned and left without looking back.
That night, Ashley received a call.
“Your mother’s condition has worsened. She bit off her own tongue. When we found her, she had no vital signs. I’m sorry for your loss.”