Chapter 10
After I moved out, Olivia and I started spending more and more time together.
And that was when I realized how warped my old relationship had been.
When I lived with Nate, all my free time belonged to him. I played games I didn’t enjoy because he liked them. I listened to him complain. I cooked. I cleaned. I built my schedule around his moods.
With Olivia, everything felt different.
We liked the same shows. We cried at the same scenes. During scary moments, we’d both cover our eyes at exactly the same time, then laugh at ourselves after.
We cooked together too.
She’d studied abroad for years and somehow came back knowing how to make everything better than anyone I’d ever met. And instead of sitting on the couch waiting for me to serve her, she always pulled me into the kitchen beside her.
If I chopped one ingredient, she praised me like I’d saved the entire meal.
If she saw me carrying too much, she took half without asking.
She never disappeared without explanation. If she was busy, she told me ahead of time. If I said I was upset, she responded immediately instead of freezing me out.
Olivia taught me what a healthy relationship felt like before we had even clearly defined whatever we were becoming.
She once told me, almost jokingly, “When I came back from overseas, I kept thinking how many opportunities still go to men first. I used to think, if I’d been born a man, maybe life would be easier.”
Then she looked at me and smiled.
“But if I’d been a man, I might not have noticed you.”
I stared at her.
She reached up and brushed a strand of hair from my face.
“You’ve been carrying depression for a long time, Emma. Society trained you to bend until you forgot you were bending. You don’t even see how much you’ve given up. But I see it.”
I nearly cried on the spot.
Because Nate had never seen it.
To him, my silence had been stability. My endurance had been good character. My retreat had been maturity.
He never realized I had been drowning quietly the whole time.
But Olivia saw me.
And once someone truly sees you, it becomes impossible to go back to being invisible.
When we weren’t at home, she took me outside.
Bike rides. Night drives. Wandering downtown with coffee in our hands.
Once, in the middle of a crowded street, she suddenly shouted, “Emma, I like you!”
People turned to look.
I stared at her in shock, then burst out laughing.
And all at once I remembered reaching for Nate’s hand in public and having him shake me off because he said it was embarrassing.
He’d always acted like being seen with a girl like me was somehow a social risk.
Olivia never once made me feel hidden.
We argued sometimes, sure.
But if I texted, I’m mad at you, she called within seconds, already trying to make me laugh.
No silent treatment. No freezing me out. No making me beg for warmth.
That was when I finally understood what I had been missing all along.
Respect.
It sounds so simple.
But when you’ve lived without it for years, it feels like being taught how to breathe again.