Chapter 14
One night, months later, I found the old childhood album again while cleaning my room.
I sat cross-legged on the floor turning pages.
There I was with missing front teeth.
There was Lucas.
There were my parents.
My old house.
My little sweaters.
My awkward haircuts.
And then Xander came in, fresh out of the shower, towel draped around his shoulders.
He stopped when he saw what I was holding.
For a second, something unreadable crossed his face.
Then he came over and sat behind me.
I leaned back into him naturally.
After a while, I pointed at one of the earliest photos and said, “I really don’t remember much from this age.”
He looked at the page.
“That’s okay.”
I turned slightly and looked up at him. “Do you mind?”
He was quiet for a moment.
Then he said, “I minded before.”
I waited.
He touched the edge of the album with one finger and said, “Because I wasn’t in it.”
That hit me harder than it should have.
So I closed the album, turned around, and climbed into his lap.
“You’re in everything that matters now.”
He looked at me.
Then he lowered his head and kissed my forehead.
A soft one.
So soft it almost hurt more than the rough kisses ever had.
After that, I ended up making a new album.
Not on purpose at first.
It started with one picture of him sleeping on the couch with his glasses crooked.
Then one of him pretending not to smile while cooking.
Then one of him holding my bag and waiting outside class.
Then one of his hand tangled with mine under a restaurant table.
Eventually, it became dozens.
Then hundreds.
One afternoon, he caught me adding another photo and asked, “What’s that?”
I looked up. “Proof.”
“Proof of what?”
“That you’re my favorite.”
He stared at me for a second.
Then he reached down, closed the laptop, and said, “Say that again.”
I did.
And after that, I did not see the outside world for quite a while.